yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
