she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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