Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
