My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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