ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
