Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
