Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
