Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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