I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize