I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize