she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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