i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
