I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
