So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
