Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
