We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
