I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
