I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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