I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
