I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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