No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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