Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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