dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize