Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
