Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You're a waste of cheezeits
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
