I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
it was like eating out sand paper
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
