Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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