On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize