He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize