woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
