My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
