i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize