Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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