I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
vagina is talking i cant
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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