I'm so fucking centered right now
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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