I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm drive I can fine osifer
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
