Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
