I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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