Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize