I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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