my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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