Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
