mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
