What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
