break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Let's paint friendship bongs
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
