Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
