That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The Olympian is in my bed
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
