His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
