I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
