Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
