Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
