Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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