your room smells of hookers.
And success
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
