Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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