you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
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