I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
