Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
