is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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