you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
