I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
