Yo dont text me then not text me
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
