the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
