so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
