Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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