Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize