i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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