I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
