My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
