I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
